Survival Mode is Exhasting

Survival Mode is Exhausting

I remember this time last year when I knew that spine surgery was inevitable.
My husband and I knew that everything else on the daily “to do” list would have to be put on the back burner.  We called it “survival mode”.  House is messy.  Laundry is behind.  Dinner is peanut butter and honey sandwiches AGAIN. Time with friends was impossible. And as far as serving in any ministry…well, we were our own ministry. We just needed to focus on my health and getting through surgery and on to wellness.  We just need to all survive.  And only top priority could matter.

When the time came for me to gear up for surgery…My amazing husband kicked into FULL throttle Super Husband, Super Dad, Super Cook, Super Maid…He was juggling it all.  I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have him as mine J   He is tough yet sensitive.  He focused on work and home.  Never stopping until late at night when he would get a little sleep and then get up early and start all over again.  I heard a message last week about how our works on earth are rewarded in Heaven.  That man is gonna have one massive crown waiting on him.  :)

Funny thing, Im almost a year post surgery and I feel that we are still in survival mode.  Wellness HAS come to me in some ways … but I grieve its absence in many others ways.  By now, I was supposed to be Super Woman.  I was supposed to be hiking with my kids and riding bikes in the park.  Enjoying my career. Serving in ministry. Meeting the needs of my husband and children.  ALL PAIN FREE, might I add.  The house is supposed to be spotless and dinner is supposed to be planned.  But, here I am. Stuck in survival mode.  It is better – don’t get me wrong.  But this chapter is far from over. 

I'm desperately trying to keep my chin up with being my own health advocate.  The days of going to one doctor and getting answers are over.  Being sent to a Specialist is good.  Until your physical problem is not diagnosed in their field.  BUT when you hear the words, “we could TRY to fix it this way”…and “spine surgery” in the same sentence your heart sinks.  Truth is.  No one can tell me where my pain is coming from.  Having another back surgery that “MIGHT FIX IT” just doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Honestly. Today.  I just wanted to quit.  It’s the ugly truth.  But after my cry-fest, I realized that if I am going to get better, it’s going to be because of something that I actually do.  Better said – “Something that God leads me to do.” 

I’ve been recently challenged to ask God what HE wants me to do each day in my pursuit of wellness.  I’m weaving God and Wellness together.  Realizing that wellness will not exist in my body without HIM.   He is showing me IN A HUGE WAY that this plan is His.  He is teaching me to ask Him for wisdom and understanding, He is placing great people in my path to be His example in this pursuit.  He is doing this Just for me.  Cause He loves me like dat!

I was kind of leaving Him out of that part.  I was doing what I was supposed to be doing as far as surgeons orders.  But my thoughts didn’t go past that.

So, here I am…still in survival mode. Only it looks a little different.  Less stress on my husband.  My pain level isn’t as bad as it was a year ago, so I am able to do more around the house.  I went back to work for a while…but pain kicked up terribly.  Pain has robbed me of my career.  It still robs me of doing a lot for my family.  It robs me of truth too.  Pain is Satan’s favorite tool for lying to me.  I am aware of that. (The jig is up Devil!)

So, Im not sure what the next step is in my wellness…but I at least know that it is THE NEXT step.  Quitting is still not an option. And, I may still be in survival mode…but, at least Im surviving. Right?

So, tomorrow, I will get up out of my bed, put my big girl pants on and God and I will figure Tuesday out.

The goal is to thrive…not just survive.   This scripture is perfect food for my soul tonight:

 

 

Discouraged. Now what? #chasing100

So, I’m a little discouraged this evening.  

No reason to hide it. 

Why do we do that? 

I mean, it is good to internally process our emotions, right?  

It is good to let the personal “filter” do its job.  No reason to speak without processing. 

After all, this is a part of emotional intelligence.  

But, isn't it odd how we feel the need to keep the raw, real, discouragement to ourselves? 

I rarely show that part. (Ok…with exception of my loving Superman husband and a couple of friends that I have way too much on for them to ever let my brokenness truly be revealed. But that is their job, right? LOL.)

I’m learning a lot in my wellness journey.

Trying hard to get physical pain under control from spine issues including a spine surgery and get on with my very blessed life.

It is a process.

A physical process and a spiritual process.

And as much as I like having all the answers to my questions, the truth is that sometimes the answers are difficult to find. 

Maybe they are even non-existent on this side of Heaven.

Ouch!

Hard truth to ponder.

But, something in me keeps chasing. 

Something in me keeps feeding the hunger to gain knowledge and understanding.

To research. 

To make better health choices. 

To encourage others.

To beat this.

I tend to shut down when I am discouraged.

I am an emotional blocker.  At times, it just becomes exhausting to talk to anyone.

Prayer and reading my Bible are shoved to the side.

Not sure why.  I’m just drained.

It is damaging. I am aware that I am missing out by choosing my rut over God and still, at times, I do nothing about it.  It can go on for days. 

I am blessed in knowing that He understands though.  

He loves me unconditionally. 

It is this Love that ultimately lifts me out of the pit.
(Psalm 40: 1-3 I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God)

If there is anything God is pointing out to me lately…it is that it is NECESSARY to bring Him into my wellness journey. 

I mean REALLY bring Him into it.

Canned spiritual answers from years of doing “the church thing” is not enough.

(It never was.)

So…here it is…Although it has taken me all day to get to this point (and that is ok!), I’m taking this moment of discouragement to my True Personal Trainer.

The God who says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  

He understands every cell that makes up my entire body…even my spine and every muscle and joint in it.  So, I sit here and think…and I process…and finally read His Word. 

And, He begins to help me start to understand a little more.

Along with listening to the Spiritual Cheerleaders that God has recently put in my path. I’ve been reading the book of Proverbs.  I mean Solomon chose wisdom over EVERYTHING.  

He personally asked God for it and it was granted to him!  What a smart man!!  

Wisdom and knowledge are the keys to getting through day to day situations. 

To hear truth is one thing…but to understand it and put the truth into practice is essential for our growth in everything we face in life.  In researching a little on Proverbs, one article states “Many of the eternal truths in the Bible have to be carefully mined, like gold deep underground. The book of Proverbs, however, is like a mountain stream littered with nuggets, just waiting to be picked up.”   

The prayer that popped in my mind:  ‘Oh God, let this be true in my life, as I pick up these nuggets of truth and apply them to my daily life. Help me to ASK YOU for wisdom for MY journey.’

Recently, I have gained the understanding that my wellness journey is not going to look like the journey of others.  My diet.  My exercise.  My recovery from spine surgery. My physical/spiritual wellness.   It is MINE.  It is SPECIFIC.  God knows me better than I know myself.  

I must ask Him for wisdom about myself.  

How does HE want me to approach all these areas?  

I’ve prayed, don’t get me wrong.  

But, I have to seek Him in this.  

So, I am.

In my reading tonight, I chose The Message version.  I like the message version because it gives me a new approach to scripture.  Like hearing it for the first time. No way of reading over the words because they might be familiar from hearing them before.    

I read:

     Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

     don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
     Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
     He’s the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3: 5-12

When I paralleled The Message version of the Bible to the NIV

I read:
     Trust in the Lord with all your heart
     and lean not on your own understanding;
     in all your ways submit to him,
     and he will make your paths straight.


The same scripture that our Pastor made come to life last Sunday at church. Isn’t it amazing how God just worked in my life tonight?
Hear I am … seeking…and being changed.
Pulled out of my pit, once again.
Encouraged to do it again tomorrow.
Because when I seek Him…I find Him…every time.

Raising kids

Missing my sweet Coen while he is at camp this week.  We have never been apart this long.  I am praying for God to do great things in his life at camp.  As his mom, it is so inspiring to watch God develop him into the man he is becoming.  As parents, we have one shot to raise our kiddos. I fail many times.  I'm learning though.  The truth is... our kids are Gods before they are ours.  They belong to Him.  We are assisting God in molding them. It's a big job.  A difficult job.  A fun job. "The days are long, but the years are short".  Make each day count! :)

Getting My Life BACK

So, when I named this blog YEARS ago...I chose the name because I tend to hurry.  I hurry through the day, trying to get to the next thing.  Trying to be efficient with my time and squeeze 15 things into a 10 thing time slot.  With the need to SLOW DOWN, I began this blog and named it "Living In The Moment".  Along with the name, came the reminder that I want to LIVE In the Moment.  To soak it in.  To slow down so I don't hurry through the great things.  To be IN THE PRESENT.

Life is grand.
I have wonderful kids.
A great husband.
Amazing Friends,
and A God that constantly loves me and pursues me.
Why not DOCUMENT those things?

But today, as I type this update.
I find myself LIVING in not such a beautiful MOMENT.
At this time, I am in Wayne, PA...preparing for spinal surgery.

The short version of the story...
My back hurts.
It began hurting years ago.
Not sure what I did to it.
But after exhausting all conventional options:
ie:  physical therapy, traction, ice, heat, massage, chiropractic care, dry needling,  ASTYM,  Epidural injections, medications
I find myself HERE, in THIS moment.

Tomorrow is my first physical appointment with The Laser Spine Institute.
Since finding them and their review on my MRI...I am finally meeting the medical staff that will help me move forward to fix the problems I have at L5-S1.
My hope is to get my life BACK.

I have missed out on so much over the last year due to this pain.
But I sit here with hope.
Hope in a positive outcome.

I know that God has directed my steps to this place.
I know that He loves me.
I know that He sees the bigger picture.
And even in this not so beautiful moment in my life...I have begun to see beauty.

And so the journey continues.
I am nervous about the next few days...
but I am confident that God has led me here.
I am a little scared...
but I know that He holds me and He will not let me go.

I am a better BLOCKER than I am a BLOGGER

Well, here I am...Over a year later writing in my blog.  I am not very good at this thing.  
Wonder why....?
Is it this mental BLOCK I have about being real about my feelings?  
Feelings are exhausting.  
Seriously.
Truth about me?   I am a better BLOCKER than I am a BLOGGER.
Yet, here I am...again.

I think the recent events that are happening in my life have brought me back to this page.
Feeling the need to record my thoughts.
To document this moment in which I am living.

To warm up...here are some pic's of the kids.  Stay tuned to this  blog though...I'm going to be sharing more  really soon.
~Angie

Thirteen and Counting

My baby boy turned 13 last month.  Thirteen?  How does that happen?  
I have watched Coen mature throughout the last year.  My true goal in life is to show him a God that loves him unconditionally.  To help him find his God-given purpose...not only in life...but in each day.  And to fall in love with Jesus...more and more.  Above all...may he find and experience how REAL God is...and how often God pursues each of us every day.

Yes that is a huge donut!  Leave it to a teenager to toss the traditional birthday cake out.  He likes to be different.  I'm all for being unique but please don't take it out on the butter cream frosting.  We made up for it with Josh's cake :)


Josh is 10



If anything...Josh enjoys life. This year he is really into Mine Craft. 
It's funny too see the all the hype over this pixilated video game.  Compared to all the perfected digital games out today...it kinda compares to kids playing with the box that the gift came in.  

His birthday was a blast at the bowling alley.  His cake was delicious.  EXTRA butter cream frosting.  Little Stirr, you never let me down.

Of course, I have the same spiritual hope for Josh.  He was baptized last year.  It is a joy to see how Josh processes life... and how God is very much part of his thoughts and the choices that he makes.  I love being a mom.

Psalm 11

Psalm 11
The Message (MSG)
A David Psalm

1-3 I've already run for dear life straight to the arms of God. So why would I run away now when you say, "Run to the mountains; the evil bows are bent, the wicked arrows Aimed to shoot under cover of darkness at every heart open to God. The bottom's dropped out of the country; good people don't have a chance"?

4-6 But God hasn't moved to the mountains; his holy address hasn't changed. He's in charge, as always, his eyes taking everything in, his eyelids Unblinking, examining Adam's unruly brood inside and out, not missing a thing. He tests the good and the bad alike; if anyone cheats, God's outraged. Fail the test and you're out, out in a hail of firestones, Drinking from a canteen filled with hot desert wind.

7 God's business is putting things right;
he loves getting the lines straight,
Setting us straight.
Once we're standing tall, we can look him straight in the eye.

My thoughts on this Psalm:
God is for me and with me, no matter where the enemy tries to send me.
The enemy hates me. No matter where I am.
God protects me....no matter where I am. I never stop being His kid.
Also:
Gods judgement doesnt soften for me.
Gods lines of judgement are straight.
Just because I am HIS, doesnt mean that He loves me more than others who do not yet know Him. right?
He tests us BOTH. He doesn't do this to prove Himself. He does this for me to remember WHO HE is. He does this so I can check myself spiritually. Am I who HE wants me to be? Do I represent Him well?
It means that I can rest in the fact that I know Him and He knows me.
I can "forget not His benefits". I can abide in His blessings. He gets me and knows me and I cannot ever snow Him...or put ONLY "my best foot forward" for Him. Truth is Truth in His eyes. I need to model after His characterists and make any necessary SELF adjustments along the way so that I may walk with Him and so that my heart is in line with HIS heart. He is NOT gonna take a detour with me. It is up to me to bring my focus on HIS plan and to walk with HIM. After all, HE knows the way best. :)

Molly

Molly. She is a reminder that God loves me like that!

So, I will be the first to admit, I am not a morning person.
Just. not.
I crave good sleep and never get it. (thanks, Insomnia :P)
So, I am always really sleepy in the morning.
This morning...has been different.

Driving back from taking the boys to school...I put in a music cd that a friend of mine recently released.

I listened to the first few songs...wow, good lyrics, Anthony!
Then, the song entitled, Dance With Me, came on.

My hands are shaking like a leaf,
My mind is racing, Lord, it wont sleep.
It's just been so long since Ive felt my heart beat,
So I need You, Lord to sing over me....

chorus
"Ive heard it said You're all I need, and here in Your arms is where Im complete, So I need the Calmer of Storms to calm my raging sea, So wont You come and dance with me...So wont You come and dance with me"

Now I can feel the weights fall apart
Now I can hear my beating heart
Cause, this was Your plan right from the start..to be where we are...

chorus
"Ive heard it said You're all I need, and here in Your arms is where Im complete, So I need the Calmer of Storms to calm my raging sea, So wont You come and dance with me...So wont You come and dance with me"

As You take me hand -in- hand,
Alone on the sand and you walk with me.
Its there I can finally see,
Who I'm meant to be
As we dance forevermore.

chorus
"Ive heard it said You're all I need, and here in Your arms is where Im complete, So I need the Calmer of Storms to calm my raging sea, So wont You come and dance with me...So wont You come and dance with me"

Instantly, I felt close to God.
Just calmly in my mini van...I could relate with this singer...and I thought... "Hey, I have been there...wait a minute...I am there NOW".

This song took my racing mind to the scripture in Zephaniah 3:17 - (NKJV)

17 The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

And this morning, right in this girls mini-van, HE did just that.


As I got home, I went out and watered my flowers. I. love. flowers.
They looked as sleepy as I felt.
Some of their blooms were relunctant to face the morning sun....
But, they will bloom today.
It is their job.
It is my job to do the same.

Thank You Lord, for coming near to me this morning.
Order my steps today to share Your love.
Bless me today and let me see the way You love me.
Thank You for my life and another day to see Your goodness.
It blows my mind that You, the Creator of this world, would dance and sing over me.
But. You. Do.
I am grateful.
~Amen

Check out Anthony Mossburg's cd, The Rambler!!!!

It occurred to me this morning
as I washed this face of mine,
How quickly come the changes
with a little passing time
A wrinkle here, a hair turned gray
a not so lilting step
I see me growing older,
but i don't quite feel it yet
At times I nearly feel my age
at others I'm, sixteen,
So full am I of all the thoughts
and feelings in between

Who would have thought the road of life
Would twist and turn so much?
The journey makes me strong and weak and
tender to the touch.
And so this day I face the choice
that I have faced each day,
Will I be open? Teachable?
Unafraid of change?
Yes.

I will embrace this moment.
Forgive my past mistakes.
And remember that just showing up is
sometimes all it takes.
I'll seek the kind of beauty
that time cannot erase,
Wisdom and experience resting on my face.

~Amy Grant

Please read this...it is good. I got it today and read it right away just so I could have some quiet time. I am trying to do that each day now....cause I NEED IT SO! The follow devo reminds me to suck it up and be grateful. God wants to bless me....and I dont want to miss out on it because my attitude stinks. We are blessed for so many reasons in life. BUT, if we ONLY had HIM, that would be more than enough.
Im thankful for YOU God...and Im grateful for the extras that you have given to this girl. :) You are so good.

Here is the devo:


Giving Thanks

"And the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, 'How long shall this wicked congregation grumble against me? I have heard the grumblings of the people of Israel, which they grumble against me. Say to them, 'As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you: your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness, and all of your number, listed in the census from twenty years old and upward, who have grumbled against me, not one shall come into the land where I swore that I will make you dwell, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun. But your little ones, who you said would become a prey, I will bring in, and they shall know the land that you have rejected.' ' " - Numbers 14:26-31

Life is all about choices.

Attitude is our first one. When I encounter a situation that is not what I think it should be, I must choose to see it like the proverbial glass half-full or the glass half- empty. Those two perspectives take me to two very different places depending on my attitude.

God cares very much about our choice between a negative attitude full of complaining and a grateful attitude full of faith. Apart from the Cross of Christ itself, I believe the most radical thing that He ever did in Scripture is in Numbers 14 where He said to a whole generation of His own children, "I can't take your grumbling anymore. Go on back into the wilderness and die." He loved these people; He miraculously and dramatically rescued them. But no matter what He did for them, they flat-out refused to stop their chorus of whining.

So, God decided to give their kids the blessing that they wouldn't let Him give to them. All because they refused to look at their situation with a grateful attitude. Very simply, God would have been pleased if they had listed all the ways He had protected and cared for them and then shouted a heart-felt, "Thank You, Lord." Their gratitude would have changed history.
Even pagans see the impact of a thankful attitude. Tune in to the talk show circuit and you'll hear this same word on the top of everyone's list on how to have a better life. A God-centered, faith-oriented, grateful life is a healthier, happier life—this from people who don't even know the Lord. Just imagine the joy available for those of us who are His own.

Yes, joy flows when you stop harping on the present, perhaps difficult circumstances and turn your attention to the blessings that are yours in Christ Jesus. How? Start by giving thanks for all that you have received from Him. Be personal and specific, rehearsing His faithfulness from big things to small. Like a fragrant offering, your gratitude rises to God and blesses Him and in turn, His blessing fills you with such faith that the pattern of your life turns from complaining to thankfulness.

WALKINTHEWORD.COM
WEEKLY WALK ARCHIVES
© 2011 Walk in the Word.

Discipline

Reading. I want to love it...but I dont. I am so easily distracted that by the end of the paragraph, I have no idea what I have read and I have recited my To Do list in my head. UHHHH! I hate this fact. The funny thing is that I LOVE BOOKS. I love to buy books. I love their concepts. I love all the work put into them. I love the encouragement they give. The places they take me....I just cannot focus well and soon give up on the reading.

So....I dont like it...so I dont do it! Makes no sense. The desire is there. The admiration of the piece of art that a book is to me...is there....but I lack in motivation.

This is where DISCIPLINE is coming into my life right now.
Basically, I am beginning to make myself do the things that I dont FEEL like doing...but know those things are good for me and will enrich my life. Reading His word, eating better, exercise, quality time with my husband and kids, blogging, just things that are good....things I need....but are NOT demanded like the rest of life.

I want MORE of God.
I want to be closer to my Sweet Husband.
I want to enjoy my boys.
I want to be healthy.
I want to have self control when there is cake and icing in the house.
I want to journal and blog to encourage others around me.
No one demands these things......I think it is time for me to step up and demand them!

Clutter

I think the clutter is reproducing in my house. How do we get so much stuff? I have stored stuff in the places that I need to put current stuff away. It is overwhelming. I get to a point to where I want to just sleep and not think about it. It almost depresses me. Maybe it actually does a little? It is not dirt....it is stuff. Some neatly stacked....some shoved unto cabinets and closets so tightly that I have to quickly close the door so it all stays in. Ok....my goal - beginning today is to clean one closet, cabinet or drawer a day for a while. We will see how I do.

Today is the hall closet.

Wish me luck.

Better

I want to be a better: mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend....a better Angie.
I think I will start today.

I Feel Like Im Losin' - Tenth Avenue North

I love to listen to Tenth Avenue North. It is a band that I admire. Everytime a cd comes out....I buy it and listen to it while reading each word on the cd cover. God speaks through this band. Had to share this new song....it's not even on a cd yet but it was shared on their web site. I heard it for the first time last night, listened to it like 20 times in a row...Honest, deep words. Good stuff! Forgiveness is key in our lives - period!


FEELS LIKE I’M LOSING – Tenth Avenue North
http://totalaxxess.typepad.com/total_axxess/2010/08/exclusive-debut-of-tenth-avenue-norths-song-losing.html

I cant believe what she said
I cant believe what he did
Don’t they know it’s wrong
Don’t they know it’s wrong
Well maybe there’s something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It’s wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love or this is hate…
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father wont You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin, oh no.
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin.

Well it’s only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that’s mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn’t feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it’s not that much
When I think of what You’ve done.

This is love or this is hate…
We gotta a choice to make


Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ , oh no
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

Why do we think that our hate’s gonna break a hard heart
We’re rippin arms over wars that don’t need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it’s just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop
Well truth be told it doesn’t matter if their sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’
I feel like I’ve been losing

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’
I feel like I’ve been losing

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

Community

My husband is a big OSU fan. So, a couple of years ago, we took our two boys to see the spring game. I vividly remember walking into the Ohio State Horseshoe. It was an amazing feeling. I wont lie to ya, my eyes teared up. Not because of my love for the game because my football knowledge doesnt come close to most. My tears were a result of the overwhelming sense of community. There werent just "people" everywhere....there were "FANS" everywhere. A sense of "we have a specific in common" saturated the Shoe. Smiles. Cheers. Greeters. Hot dogs. Scarlet and gray. Noise. Turf. Stained glass. Class. I will never forget it. My husband jokes that the Shoe is "church for football". I can see why that is said. I get the same feeling when I go to my church. I get the same feeling when I go to a school basketball game. An Amy Grant concert. When I see another mother struggling with trying to reason to her seven-year-old in Walmart. You find yourself in this place...with people whom you know or dont know....but the REASON you are there joins your lives together...even if it is just for a moment.

I love community on every level. I love being in the stands with the crowd. I love having a common thread with others that I dont even know. But my heart smiles when I look at the Team. The team has a depth of community. It is sacred. It is heart-warming. It is inspiring. Each person on the team is drawn to one another. There is a togetherness with the team. A sense of "whether we are on the sidelines or on the field we are in this game together". They have each other's backs....and for a season, they are as close as family.


I love community.
Jesus demonstrates community in a simple way.
He was on earth for everyone....
He associated with everyone He could get near....
He was real with everyone He came in contact with...
But he chose to do life with 12 guys.
They prayed together.
They travelled together.
They ate dinner together.
They fished together.
They ministered together.
They cried together.
They cared for others, together.
No wonder we are drawn more to some people than to others. Not to say that we are a clique...or to say that we are exclusive in who we hang out with....there is just a simple depth to our community. I have many friends....but there are few that I crave to be with. There are a handful that I have not seen in a decade, but I know that when I do see them again, we will pick up right where we left off. What a gift it is when you find those people. Thankful today for those hearts that God entrusts to me. Praying that I can be the person that they need me to be...the person that God wants me to be for them.

May we be aware of all levels of community in our lives...may we be Christs hands and feet to all we meet. May we feel the weight of the hearts that God entrusts to us. I love community!

Mollys first shopping trip :)

We took Molly to Pet Supplies Plus today. She got a bath, a new brush and some treats. It was such a good time. She is really a good dog. She nicely sat for her bath....and loved walking around the store allowing people to pet her. She also tried a few pet beds out. She found one she liked but she has to save $60 first though. Coen had a ball with her. Josh helped with the bath...then he went with daddy to get the oil changed in the van. Over all....great experience....we will totally go again :)

Tenth Avenue Concert

We are huge Tenth Avenue North fans! We were blessed to see them last weekend in Charleston with Casting Crowns. Great concert....great family time :)

Oh yeah....AND we met the band!! Thank you, Lord! And they are as great one on one as they are on stage. I love when bands are authentic who live what they preach! :)

AB, Coen and Josh running in races last weekend

Loving the sunshine

We had winter this year. I mean....we really saw snow. It was so neat. We got to play in the snow, enjoyed a few snow days off school, watched it blanket the yard and woods. It was beautiful. It was a great thing. But, I am so ready for the snow to go...and the sunshine to stay.

The last 5 days or so have been georgeous. Sun shining.....high 50's. Birds are chirping! Spring is right around the corner and I am glad :) Yesterday, I opened the curtains to see the sunshine come into the room. I cleaned the windows so nothing would hinder the beams of light from filling the room. It was great. I had more energy. I felt happy. Isnt it alot like when we experience Winter in our lives? In our hearts? I call it a "funk". We look around...we see the coldness....we are aware of the bitter moments....we cannot shake it. Then, after a season...it passes. Sun comes back into our lives chasing away the funk...and we are glad.

We really experienced winter this year....and because of that...Spring looks all the better. Thank You ,God, for allowing us to learn from the Winters in our lives...it helps us value the Spring all the more! Take that for what its worth to you today :)

Things I love # 22- I 28

Ok...so gotta finish this idea of things I love in honor of February. Because #22 I love to finish things. #23 I love my Day Planner #24 I love being task driven. #25 I love a clean house #26 I love quality time with friends #27 I love hearing my kids laugh #28 I love making AB smile.

This Februaru BLOG project was fun :) I am encaouraged to blog more often now. Hmmmm...wonder what my next blogging goal should be????

Josh is 7

Wanted to share some pic's of Josh's birthday party.
He had a great day with family and friends!

16-21 of the THINGS I love...

Ok...so I am a little catching up to do.

Focusing this month on things I love....

#16 I love vacation.

I love thinking about it. Watching Aaron plan for it with his spreadsheets :) I truly enjoy planning fun things for the kids during the trip. I always make goodie bags for the occaision. The boys totally look for these goodie bags now. As we drive out of the neighborhood...they are already wondering what is in the goodie bags!

Vacation. I love it. It is such a treat to get away from the every day rush and pause a little. And I like when I am allowed to pause.

#17

I love my mom. I am really missing her these days. I miss what might have been. I wish I could see her with my kids. I wonder what she would have done to celebrate Josh's birthday. I think of her often and see her in my kids. She was the best!!

#18

I love being a mom.

The hardest thing in my life...but the most rewarding. Hard...because it means so much. A mom is a comfort. A mom is safety. A mom is love. A mom is tough. A mom can smile. A mom can cry...but mostly, a mom is constant. A love that never dies. A mom makes you strong...

I love my boys. I get to be their mommy! Wow! God has entrusted these two precious lives to me. What pressure! :) What an honor! I pray that I can be all I need to be for them. Living by example. The catch is....some times I lead the correct way....and sometimes I do not. Sometimes I gotta say...."hey, I screwed up." I dont really like those times. I guess we all have those times. I know that God has a plan for them. Aaron and I are just assisting Him. And as much as I love them....I realize that God loves them more.

#19

Disney

I know that this is shallow...but Disney rocks! I have such fond memories of my family at Disney. What a fun place. I want to go back...and go back often!! I smile every time I think of our vacation there, summer 2008. I took tons of pictures. I will never forget how wonderful our family time was at Disney!!

#20

I love birthdays. Yesterday, Feb 20th, was Josh's birthday. He is seven! My baby boy is 7 years old. I love seeing him smile. It takes my breath away when he giggles and his eyes light up with joy. I hope that my kids are enjoying their childhood. Funny thing about childhood...you dont really appreciate it until you have grown beyond it....

#21

My bed.

I love my own bed. There is nothing like jumping in my bed when I am tired and snuggling up in the covers. My down comfortor and cool, soft sheets make me happy. Now, if I could just cure my insomnia and really get rest for once. Some day.

# 14 and #15 of February Things I love...

Things I love....

#14 flowers. I love flowers. I cannot wait to plant new plants this Spring. Crossing my fingers that my Hydrangea blooms THIS year. I love watering them....cutting them and placing them all over the house. "Miracle Grow" Tuesday is something to look forward to this year. (it is the day of the week when I remember to add miracle grow to the flowers....idea created by my neighbor and sister-flower-lover, Lindy)

#15 A clean house. Isnt it the best feeling ever when your home is reallllllly clean? I hope to have that happen....TOMORROW :)